


You Are The Reason

by LB0917



Category: Pentatonix
Genre: Avi's kind of a jerk, M/M, Pining, Scott is too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:54:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27436150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LB0917/pseuds/LB0917
Summary: Three years after Avi's departure, Scott is more determined than ever to find out his real reason for leaving.
Relationships: Scott Hoying/Avi Kaplan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	1. Rose

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this one came from. I saw a gif where Avi is looking VERY fondly at Scott and I just... ran with it. Please comment and vote if you like this, and if so, I'll be sure to update frequently!

LA traffic might actually be the death of him, one day.

Scott growled at the stopped car in front of him, eliciting a giggle from the smaller man in his passenger seat.

"We're so late," Scott whined. Mitch was openly laughing now.

"It's fine, Scott. Babies don't know what time it is, anyway."

"Why is there so much traffic, though? Shouldn't people be, I don't know, _at home,_ like they were told?"

"We aren't _at home,_ either, Scotty."

Scott growled again. Mitch reached over, patting his knee affectionately.

"Why so stressed? This is gonna be a good day."

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Scott's ringtone blaring through the car's Bluetooth. He nearly poked a hole in the touch screen as he angrily tapped "accept call."

"Where are you guys? She. Is. So. Cute." Kirstie's voice rang through the car.

"How did you get there so fast, Kirst? Traffic is so bad."

"I left at a normal time, Scott." They could hear Kevin laughing in the background.

"We'll be there in 7-10 business _years,"_ he whined, hanging up before waiting for her response.

They were on their way to Esther's house to meet the new baby. Scott smiled fondly at the thought of his friendship with Esther. She had been like a sister to him for years. He held so much love for that woman, his heart could burst. He was ecstatic to see her with Darien, and now, their beautiful new baby girl.

Now, if only he could _get there._

They had kept in touch over the past few years since she and Avi decided to part ways with the group. They would text, get together as much as possible, and just generally let each other know that they were there for one another. Scott frowned as he thought about how he wished he could have done the same with her brother.

Avi, on the other hand, distanced himself from Scott as soon as he boarded the flight to visit his parents after their last show. The air that night was full of tears and promises to stay in touch, and that, just maybe, they would sing together again someday. Avi had kept his promise of staying in touch... just not with Scott.

Scott had tried a few times. He had called him on his birthday for two years in a row. He would send memes every once in a while, adding a comment like, "Thought of you when I saw this!"

Avi never answered his calls. Scott would receive a text reply, saying, "Sorry I missed you, bud. Thanks for thinking of me," or something else that sounded equally like it was from a distant uncle.

So finally, Scott gave up. He decided to focus on his friendship with Esther, and he tried to ignore the pang of jealousy when his friends recounted recently seeing or speaking to Avi with fondness in their voices.

They pulled up to Esther's house exactly 48 minutes late. Sighing, he slammed the car door and wandered up the driveway, putting his mask on. Mitch caught up with him as they knocked on the door.

"Hey!" They sang in unison as Darien answered the door. He beamed at them and pulled them both into a hug.

"Congratulations, Darien. We can't wait to meet her," Scott exclaimed. A squeal from up the stairs startled them.

"Scotty! Mitchy!" Esther yelled as she bounded towards them. There was no baby in her arms and she launched herself at Mitch first, nearly suffocating him with her arms.

She turned to Scott, a look of fondness emanating from her as she reached out to him. "So happy you're here, especially during this COVID madness."

"Congrats, Esther! Thanks for letting us come by. Where is she? We're dying over here."

She grabbed his hands and began dragging him up the stairs. "Everyone is up here. Come on!"

There was a small cheer from the group as Scott and Mitch came into view. They waved at Kristie, Kevin, and Matt. Then Scott saw her: Baby Rose, wrapped up in her Uncle Avi's arms.

Avi may have been smiling behind his medical mask at Scott as he and Mitch approached, who were currently making heart eyes at the little one in his arms. The smile did not reach his eyes, however, and Scott immediately knew to tread lightly.

"She's beautiful, Avi. Congratulations on becoming an uncle." Mitch cooed, reaching out for the little one. "Can I hold her?"

Avi passed her into Mitch's arms, gently. Scott made eye contact for a split second, but felt an overwhelming need to look away as soon as their eyes connected. He didn't know why, but he felt as though Avi didn't want him to look at him.

He wondered when the man began to hate him.

Avi moved across the room to speak with Kevin and Matt. With Scott being in his way of doing so, Scott supposed that this was the only reason Avi opened his mouth to speak to him.

"Good to see you, Scott." It sounded cold.

"You too, Avi."

But Avi was across the room before he finished his reply. Scott's shoulders slumped slightly, but he shook it off quickly, turning his attention to the reason for his being here.

She was like a doll in Mitch's arms. Scott adored her, already.

A few hours later, the group was sitting around the backyard, relieved to take their masks off during Rose's nap. The conversation was excited and moved quickly.

Scott noticed that Avi wasn't participating much.

Scott made a perfectly timed joke, eliciting a roar of laughter from his friends. Matt was hunched over, clutching his stomach as he cried with his laughter. Scott loved when his jokes hit Matt just the right way.

Avi stood up abruptly, then, excusing himself to the kitchen to refill his drink.

Scott prided himself on his ability to appear confident, even when he felt like his self-esteem was crumbling. For some reason, Avi was testing this right now, and Scott was failing miserably.

He excused himself to the bathroom, then. He was suddenly filled with an overwhelming determination to get an answer out of the man regarding what exactly it was that Scott had ever done to him.

Avi's face was buried in the refrigerator when Scott found him. Avi stood and closed it, jumping slightly when Scott's form appeared behind the door.

"Sorry," Scott said, crinkling his nose and trying to make his voice sound light, despite his hurt.

"It's ok. Need something in here?" Avi asked, gesturing to the fridge.

Scott shook his head. "Just wanted to see how you're doing." Scott shrugged. He hoped this conversation sounded casual and not _desperate._

Avi opened a bottle of water and took a swig, appearing thoughtful. "All's well. Things are good."

Scott smiled softly. "That's good..." Avi turned to return outside.

"Avi... wait." He watched as Avi froze, his back turned. Scott wondered what the expression on his face was. Was it annoyance? Hatred? He hated that he could feel his heart breaking in that moment, as someone he thought he had been close to was actively trying to run from him.

Avi turned. "What's up?" He was expressionless.

"I... uh..." Scott's mind went blank. He had so much to say, so much to ask. He couldn't figure out what to say first.

Then the words spilled out. "What... exactly... what's your problem with me?"

Ah, shit. That wasn't the plan, at all.

Avi was staring at him, now. Emotions were flashing within his eyes quickly, leaving Scott feeling sad, unworthy... abandoned.


	2. The Bitter End of Scavi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Avi's point of view. I tried to make the timeline fit together with actual events... but I lost some of the exact dates of some of these things starting, ending, etc. I hope it's alright!!

“What… exactly… what’s your problem with me?”

Avi froze, staring directly into Scott’s blue eyes. He could tell that Scott was trying desperately to be strong in the moment, but that the dam was threatening to break. Avi’s heart broke for him. This wasn’t what he wanted. He was the last person Avi wanted to hurt. Scott should never feel unwanted.

Ever.

Avi felt his mouth open and close a few times, with no words emerging, like a fish out of water.

Scott’s voice suddenly filled the silence, rambling, sounding shaky. “Please tell me what I did. Avi, I’m so sorry. I honestly can’t remember offending you. I can’t remember making you uncomfortable, hurting you… please. If you tell me what I did, I promise I’ll work as hard as I can… to fix it...”

Avi didn’t deserve to hear these words. He didn’t deserve attention, let alone effort from the man in front of him. He had handled everything so poorly. He was embarrassed, ashamed. But his heart hurt, and he didn’t know how else to handle this.

“You didn’t do anything, Scott.”

“Why don’t you want to be around me?” Scott sounded unsure of himself. He sounded small.

“I guess I just… never felt terribly close to you…” Avi allowed his voice to trail off. The words felt like they were cutting his tongue as they left his mouth. Avi had never been good at lying.

Avi had always been able to read Scott’s emotions through his eyes. He had always found how expressive they were to be intriguing. Right now, they looked broken, and Avi wanted to slap himself for doing that to him.

“We’ve never had much in common, you have to admit” Avi shrugged, the words falling out of him like word vomit.

“I guess I didn’t realize that,” Scott nearly whispered, breaking eye contact to look at his feet. “I always enjoyed being around you… you know?”

“I just can’t imagine us… hanging out… alone. Friends of friends. That’s how I always considered us to be. Now that I’m not in the band, I guess I just can’t think of much to say.” Avi lied again.

“I’m… I’m sorry you feel that way.” Scott’s hand came up to rub at the back of his neck, looking heartbreakingly uncomfortable in his own skin. Avi wanted desperately just to hug him, and to tell him that none of this was his fault. That none of what he was saying was true, but that he was just so messed up that he couldn’t express what was really wrong.

“I’m gonna go.” Scott mumbled. Avi assumed that he meant he was over this bullshit conversation, and that he was going to return outside. He watched through the window in horror, however, as Scott approached each of his friends and gave them a hug. He overheard him tell Mitch that he could get a ride home with Kirstie, ignoring the concerned comments and goodbyes from his friends as he left.

Avi stood with his back against the wall, alone in the kitchen. He slammed his head back against the wall three times, feeling an overwhelming sense of self-loathing rush over him as his head collided painfully with the drywall.

Despite the pit in his stomach, knowing that he had hurt someone who meant more to him than he had ever admitted to anyone, once Scott left, Avi felt more at-ease. He talked more with the group, and he even found himself smiling.

Kirstie flopped down on the couch with him later that night. The rest of the group was swarmed around the kitchen table, looking at photos of Rose.

“Can I ask you something?” Kirstie asked, smiling softly.

“Of course, Kit. What’s up?” He noticed the significant difference in how he answered the exact same question when Kirstie asked it as opposed to when Scott had asked it, earlier. A pang of guilt radiated through his chest.

“Why did Scott leave?”

Shit. “You’re the one who’s friends with him, you tell me,” Avi replied, laughing nervously.

“You used to be friends with him, too. Or are none of us your friends anymore?” He didn’t miss the hint of judgment in her voice.

“Kirstie, you will always be one of my best friends in the world.”

“Scott used to be closer to you than I was.”

“I guess we grew apart.”

“Did you guys have a fight?”

“No. No fight.”

“I mean today… he left pretty abruptly. He kind of looked like he was going to cry…”

Avi’s anger rose within him quickly. “Kirstie, if you’re so concerned, why didn’t you leave with him? You two are attached at the hip. I don’t know what’s going on in his mind. He’s a stranger to me. I don’t know what his damage is.”

The group turned to look at him, eyes wide. Overwhelmed and embarrassed, Avi stood, running his hands through his hair in frustration, before storming out the door.

The sun had set, but it was still hot and muggy. Avi didn’t care. He sat on the steps of his sister’s back porch, knowing that everyone was talking about him. He struggled to think of ways to divert the attention from the fact that their best friend had abruptly left after being alone with him. He began to rock back and forth, anxiety coursing through his veins.

“Hey,” a soft voice spoke after a few minutes. Avi loved Mitch very much, but Mitch was currently the last person he wanted to speak to.

“I’m fine, Mitch.” Avi’s voice was tense. Mitch threw himself down on the step next to him. Avi fought against rolling his eyes. Why could no one take a hint today?

“Kirstie filled me in. Since when has Scott been such a sore subject?”

Avi began wringing his hands in frustration. He didn’t want to have this discussion with Mitch. Mitch was a huge reason behind Avi’s leaving the group. He couldn’t stand watching Mitch be so open. He hated that Mitch hung on Scott’s every word, doted on him, put his hands on him all the time… he hated watching them flirt with one another, openly love one another. The thought of them together? Avi knew they weren’t, but he hated that he was pretty sure they wanted to be.

“Go ask your boyfriend.” Avi hated who he was becoming today. The anger, the hatred in his voice. It was disgusting. He sounded like an insufferable pig.

“My… Scott isn’t my boyfriend… but you know that.” Mitch was shaking his head at him in disbelief. Avi was silent, his cheeks flushing with anger. Mitch continued. “But why do I suddenly get the feeling you would hate it if he were?”

Avi’s eyes became hollow. Anger shot through him again. “I would hate that. I would hate that very much.” There was a hint of laughter in his voice now, like he was losing it.

Mitch stood up, and Avi could feel the irritation radiating from the smaller man’s body. “Avi Kaplan, I never took you for a homophobe.”

Avi laughed again, distantly. This infuriated Mitch even more.

“You don’t even know,” Avi spat. It was as though he had no control over his own body.

Mitch stood in front of him now, leaning down to eye level with Avi, who hadn’t moved from the step.

"I don’t know what?” Avi had never heard Mitch’s voice sound so angry and threatening.

“Why I left.”

“Because you hate me and Scott? Do we repulse you?”

“That’s not why I left.”

“Then why?”

“Because I fell head-over-heels for Scott fucking Hoying. That’s why.” Avi held Mitch’s gaze, keeping his eyes steady and challenging. He watched as Mitch’s face melted from a stony expression into one of heartache and downright pity.

If there was one thing that Avi hated, it was being pitied.

“When?” Mitch’s voice was suddenly soft and understanding.

“When did I fall, or when did it start killing me too much to stay?”

“Well… both, I guess.”

Avi sighed, pondering whether he should just let this all off of his chest once and for all. “Remember when I went with Scott to record his video with Mario Jose?”

Mitch was thoughtful for a moment. “Lost on You?”

“That’s the one.”

“I didn’t remember you going with.”

“He asked if I could help him shoot it. So, I went.”

“He never told me that something happened between you two, there.”

“That’s because nothing happened. I sat behind the camera, watching in awe as he sang with every ounce of himself. I cried. He sounded so fucking perfect, I cried. Did he tell you that?”

“No… no he didn’t.”

“Like a baby. Suddenly I wanted him so badly. It terrified me.”

“Did he see you cry?”

Avi laughed. “Yeah. I told him the song made me emotional. Which I suppose wasn’t a complete lie.”

Mitch was seated next to him on the step again, with his knees curled up to his chest, just listening. It felt like a weight was being lifted off of Avi’s shoulders with each word of his confession.

“From what I remember, that wasn’t long before you left.”

“Four months.”

“What made it so unbearable… Oh.” Mitch’s eyes lit up like a lightbulb had gone off.

“Mark and Mason.” Avi stated, knowing that he didn’t have to.

Avi liked Mason, at first. He seemed friendly enough. His boyfriend, Mark, had been quiet and harder to get to know, but Avi supposed he was fine, as well. When Tyler Oakley had introduced them all, he thought that they would fit in just fine.

That was, until it happened.

They were all hanging out around Tyler’s pool. Avi had done a fine enough job of not staring at the tall blond for too long, who was strutting around the pool deck like a goddamn model. Halfway through the afternoon, Avi had decided that it was best not to look at Scott’s half-naked figure at all.

But then he realized that this had become too easy. Scott was nowhere to be found.

He glanced around the pool. Mitch was floating on a pool raft with Kirstie. Kevin was chatting with a group of friends on the other side of the yard.

So, Avi was wandering down a hallway, searching for the very man he had been ignoring all day. Ironic.

He came across a closed door. He smiled fondly to himself. Scott must have had too much to drink again, and this must be the bathroom where he was hugging the toilet, where Avi had found him many times before.

But he paused when his eyes came to rest on the open door across the hall. A bathroom. So what room was this?

Then came the noises.

No, no, no. Avi thought. Please, no.

“Fuck, Scott. Jesus Christ. Your mouth is beautiful and so fucking good at this.”

Mark’s voice. Was he cheating, even though Mason was here, somewhere? Avi’s heart was pounding out of his chest.

“Your ass is just as perfect,” a deeper voice said, and Avi flinched at the sudden sound of a slap against bare skin. “You’re so fucking gorgeous like this, Scott.”

Mason.

He thought of bursting through the door. There was no way that Scott was doing this willingly. They were hurting him. Avi began to see red. He had to save him.

And then, his heart finally shattered.

Scott’s voice, emitting a velvety moan.

Tears stung Avi’s eyes and his knees felt like they might buckle. He did what his instincts told him to do. Fight or flight, you know?

So, he ran.

“I heard them together. Mitch, I thought I was going to die that day, hearing them… with him.”

Mitch took the hint. “Was it… was it that Scott was sleeping with someone else? Or was it the fact that he was with two men at once?”

Avi paused, staring out into the distance. “I don’t know. To know that Scott was… giving himself to someone… it would have hurt. But to know that he was letting two men have him? I couldn’t take it. So I left. I’m so selfish, Mitch, but the second I saw that it was going somewhere with those three, I couldn’t do this anymore.”

And with that, the tears fell. Mitch reached out for him, pulling him into a tight hug, rocking him back and forth.

“I’m so sorry, Avi. I had no idea.”

“Good. I didn’t want you to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I DO believe that Scomarson happened right around the time that Avi left... To be honest, though, I became a Pentaholic during Matt's reign on the throne (lol) so I had to go back a bit in history, here. (Also please don't hate me because I haven't been an OG fan! I didn't know! ((sobs)))
> 
> How long have you all been fans? I am super curious. (for me it's been about two years).


	3. That's the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm realizing the more I write, that I use A LOT of McFly lyrics as chapter titles. Anyway, carry on.

“Morning, Mitchy,” Scott mumbled as he padded into the kitchen, still half-asleep. He was thankful that they had nowhere to be today. He felt like he had been hit by a truck.

Avi’s coldness last night left Scott feeling like he had a hangover. His chest was aching like he had been dumped. He was no stranger to the feeling. He had been dumped an embarrassing amount of times, honestly. And once, he had even been dumped by the man sitting at their kitchen island, in fact. Even that hadn’t stung like this.

Because in his heart of hearts, Scott couldn’t figure out what happened, here.

“How are you feeling, Scotland?” Mitch asked, sipping his Starbucks. “Yours is in the fridge.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Scott replied, venturing to the fridge. “What did I do without having you here for those few years?”

“You made Mark do everything for you,” Mitch rolled his eyes, jokingly.

“Well… you’re one to talk. You made Beau run in circles for you.” Scott attempted to smile, but he didn’t have it in him today.

“Good thing they’re out of our lives and we can simply torture each other again, eh?” Mitch asked, winking and raising his cup. Scott smiled and held his up as well, tapping Mitch’s cup with his own in a mocking “cheers”.

“Am I a bad person?” Scott suddenly asked, his expression vacant.

“Why on earth would you ask your biggest fan that question? You know I’m gonna say no.”

Scott attempted to laugh, but that didn’t work, either.

“What’s going on in your head, Scott? Seriously. Talk to me.”

Scott knew this was coming, since they hadn’t had a chance to talk about it last night. Scott had pretended to be asleep when Mitch had arrived home from Esther’s house. His heart stung when he realized how late into the night they had all been together, without him.

Mitch wasn’t accepting his silence. “Seriously, Scott. Why did you leave?”

“Avi hates me.”

Mitch laughed. Scott wanted to throw his iced coffee at him.

“Avi doesn’t hate you, babe.”

‘He pretty much told me so, last night.” Scott’s eyes bore into Mitch’s.

“What?”

“He told me, basically, that we were never very close, and he didn’t really have any interest in knowing me, anymore.”

“He said _what?”_

Scott felt tears stinging his eyes in response. He cursed himself for letting Avi’s hatred get to him. He had always thought they were solid, that they understood each other. Scott had always adored Avi. To know that the feeling wasn’t mutual was agonizing. He felt stupid.

He thought back to 2015, when Scott had developed a slight crush on the older man. He shook his head with embarrassment at the thought. Scott had hidden his feelings well, moving on quickly. He had had to, considering Avi was _straight,_ for crying out loud. But the fact that he damn-near idolized him? That never went away.

“Scott… I think you need to talk to Avi again.”

“Avi doesn’t want to talk to me. And quite honestly, I don’t think I want to talk to him anymore, either.”

“That’s not true.”

“No, it’s not.” And with that, Scott’s face was in his hands, desperately willing himself not to cry.

“Babe… talk to him. Please.” He took Scott’s tearful face in his hands, locking eyes with him, pleading. “He has more to say to you, okay?”

“How do you know?”

“Because he told me.”

Scott was staring at him, silently.

“Why don’t you just tell me?”

“I can’t, Scott. It isn’t my place. All I can tell you… all I can tell you is that it’s not… just… hatred.”

“JUST hatred?” Scott’s voice was borderline hysterical. “What is it? Disgust? Disdain?”

“Just let him tell you.”

And now, Scott was in front of Avi’s house. His face was resting against his steering wheel, and he was cursing Mitch Grassi for this dumb idea. He sighed, desperately, grabbed his _stupid fucking mask,_ and climbed out of the car, slamming the door too hard on his way out.

Scott was in a shitty mood. Should he be here in such a state? Absolutely not.

He stood away from the door after ringing the bell, adjusting his snapback on his head, feeling awkward. Avi opened the door a moment later, his face shifting from a polite smile to a mixture of what seemed to be surprise and distaste.

“Hi,” Scott greeted, softly, waving the mask in his hand in greeting.

“Scott.” Avi’s voice sounded on-edge.

“Can we talk?” Scott asked, hopefully.

Avi stood in the doorway, shifting on his feet, tentatively. He ran his hand through his beard, thoughtfully, before stepping to the side and gesturing for Scott to come in.

“Don’t worry about the mask,” He muttered, as Scott moved to put it on. “We were all together yesterday without them, when the baby wasn’t around.”

Scott nodded and put the mask in his pocket. At least Avi didn’t think he was so repulsive that he would infect him with COVID-19. He allowed Avi to lead him into his living room, gesturing to the couch for him to sit.

“Want anything? Water? Tea? Beer?”

“I’m okay. Thanks.” Scott smiled softly at the man in front of him, who was still standing, awkwardly. He could not, for the life of him, figure out what the expression on Avi’s face was conveying.

“What brings you by?” Avi asked, sounding far too business-like, like Scott was there for a car loan.

“Well… I was talking to Mitch this morning…” Scott began, but was interrupted by Avi’s cold laugh.

“I should have known not to trust him. What, are you here to make fun of me?”

Scott froze in shock. “Wh-what?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll let you tell your little story, Scotty. Go right ahead.” Avi sat down across from him, leaning forward to pat his knee condescendingly. Scott didn’t know what was more painful: the knee pat, or the use of his nickname with that taunting tone.

Scott lifted his eyes to meet Avi’s, hoping that they conveyed that he was coming here in _peace, dammit._ Evidently, it worked. Avi’s eyes softened and he sat back in his seat.

“Mitch told me… that I don’t know the whole story about why you left. He said I should ask you.”

“That’s it? That’s all he said?” Avi asked, his tone unsure and his eyebrow raised.

“That’s all he said.” Scott said, knowing how pathetic his voice sounded. He looked at his feet. He felt awkward and _embarrassed._ He hated how Avi was making him feel. Insignificant, stupid, useless.

“Scott… how long do you have?”

“As long as it takes for me to understand.”

“Will you let me talk? Without… without interrupting?”

“I’ll do anything.” Scott’s voice broke on the final word, not knowing how that affected Avi, not knowing how badly Avi wanted to reach out and hold him.

Avi sighed. Scott suddenly felt hopeful. Maybe now he would finally know what he did that was so wrong.

“I didn’t… I didn’t just leave because of my family.” Avi began, slowly. “Or because of the rigorous touring…” Scott nodded, understandingly.

“Do you… do you remember the last time we were _good,_ Scott?” Scott looked at Avi, surprised.

“I… the last night we were all together as a group, I guess…”

“No, Scott. Not the group. You and me. Do you remember the last time we were _us?”_ Avi gestured between them, his movement appearing frantic. “The last time things were easy? The last time we joked around?” Scott’s guilt overwhelmed him in that moment. Clearly, there was something he missed. He didn’t like where this was going.

It seemed like he was about to find out that Avi left because of him. If that was the case, Scott would never forgive himself.

“January of 2017,” Avi stated, matter-of-factly.

“Okay…” Scott wracked his brain, but thinking back to three years ago when he was this anxious was proving to be extremely difficult.

“I came with you to a video shoot.” It was as though he was giving him hints. Scott didn’t like this game. He wasn’t good at it.

“I do remember you… withdrawing a bit… in the months before you left, I guess.” Scott provided, after a moment of thinking.

“And by the time I left, it was worse, wasn’t it?” Avi asked. Scott nodded, not fully remembering, but doing all he could to keep this story moving. He needed to be put out of his misery.

“Do you remember the weekend before the announcement that I was leaving?”

“Not really, no.”

“You were pretty drunk,” Avi provided. Scott’s pulse began to race. Had he done something stupid? Had he made Avi uncomfortable? Had he said something hurtful?

“I heard you,” Avi added.

Scott’s opened his mouth to ask, “Heard me what?” But his voice wouldn’t come. Avi suddenly looked heartbroken.

“Did… did I say something to you?” Scott was becoming desperate to end this scavenger hunt.

Avi hung his head. “We were at Tyler Oakley’s house. In his pool.”

Scott thought back to that day. The sun, the drinks, all of his friends… Mark and Mason.

“Okay.” Scott’s heart might explode. This wasn’t going where he thought it was, was it?

“You disappeared.” Avi was speaking so slowly, Scott wanted to scream.

“And I went looking for you… because you seemed… very drunk.”

Scott had nothing to say. He felt like the walls were closing in.

“There was a door. I assumed it was the bathroom. I went to knock… but then… I heard him. And then… then, I heard the other one. And I thought they were hurting you, Scott. I was so _terrified_ that they were…”

Scott’s eyes were brimming with tears. He knew where this was going, and he hated it.

“But then… then I heard _you_ … and I knew… you wanted it.”

Avi was quiet for what seemed like an eternity. Scott assumed he was done.

“So you left… because… I disgusted you? Being with two guys?” Avi was still looking down, his face unreadable.

“You stayed with them for a long time after that. I know it was never officially said, but I knew you were a throuple, or whatever you call it.” He spat the final words out, like they were filth on his tongue.

Scott had known that a lot of people wouldn’t understand that time in his life, loving two people at once. But he had always felt loved and supported by his band, at the very least.

To know that this was Avi’s reason for leaving was leaving Scott feeling ashamed. And he knew that Avi wasn’t playing fair.

“With all due respect, Avi, who I’m fucking… or being _fucked by_ , is none of your business.” Scott watched Avi flinch. Then, Avi lifted his face to reveal tear-stained cheeks.

“It _was_ my business, Scott.”

Scott was instantly filled with confusion and guilt, now. But he had to stand up for himself against this.

“It wasn’t.” Scott’s made sure the words came out strong and cold.

“It was.” Avi was whispering now, reaching up to wipe his own tears away, angrily. Scott had never been so confused by another’s emotions.

“And why’s that?” Scott asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Because I was madly in love with you, and hearing what you were doing with them made me want to drown myself in that goddamn pool.” The words were spoken in a neutral tone, almost robotic, rehearsed.

Avi stared blankly at the floor for a moment longer, silent. Scott didn’t know if he should laugh, cry, or comfort the man in front of him. Before he could decide, however, Avi was on his feet, moving quickly across the floor.

“I’ll… I’ll be right back,” he muttered.

And now, Scott was alone again. His head was spinning and his stomach was cramping with an overwhelming nausea. His heart was pounding in his ears and he thought he must be on the verge of a damn brain aneurysm.

He had to get out of there. He couldn’t burden this man any further.

He stood abruptly, grabbing his keys off of the coffee table. He nearly ran to the front door, swinging it open and slamming it behind him.

He forgot his _damn mask_ inside. _Keep it, Avi_. He had to get the hell out.

He had never been so ashamed of himself. Never once had he thought that Avi left the group because of him.

This was all his fault. What would the band say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Scotty feels like he ruined everything :( What do you think? Keep it going?
> 
> PS. I wrote some of the SMUTTIEST SMUT TO EVER SMUT. I mean, it was trash. Would anyone want to see that? It's bad... like.. all five of them are involved, bad.


	4. Fix What I've Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have always loved the song in this chapter. <3

When Avi heard his front door slam, he felt as though the walls of his house were crashing down on him. He couldn’t control the sob that escaped his lips as he slid down the wall of his bedroom.

He had planned on composing himself in here before returning to Scott in the living room. He certainly hadn’t planned on Scott leaving him here.

Everything was _fucked._

That afternoon, Avi had decided that enough was enough. Pulling himself together, he decided that it was time to move along.

So, why he decided that livestreaming was a good idea, he had no idea.

He set up his iPad on his tripod before plopping down on his couch with his guitar in hand.

“Hey everyone.” He waved, feeling small immediately. He watched as the comments came rushing in.

****_Avi, we love you!_ ** **

****_It’s been so long, we missed you!_ ** **

****_Congrats on your niece!_ ** **

He smiled into the screen. “Thank you,” he replied. “So, you all might be wondering why I decided to do a random IG live session. Just wanted to say, you know, what’s up?”

****_When’s the last time you saw PTX?_ ** **

“When’s the last time I saw Pentatonix? Well, yesterday, actually.” That made the comments erupt immediately. He laughed as they scrolled too quickly for him to read.

****_Mitch Grassi is here! Hi Mitch!_ ** **

“Oh, Mitch, you’re on? Hey, buddy!” Avi smiled softly, but felt his nerves mount tremendously. What if Scott was next to him?

“So… the reason I wanted to go live was to play you all a cover… that you know… I’ve been working on.”

****_Duet with Mitch!_ ** **

****_I bet Scott’s there too. Do a trio version!_ ** **

Avi ignored Scott’s name in that comment, ignoring the longing in the pit of his stomach to sing with him again.

“This one is called ‘You Are the Reason’, and uh... with PTX we toured with the very talented Calum Scott. I always loved this song and uh, it’s been speaking to me lately. So, I wanted to share my take on it with you. Here we go.”

His hands shook as he strummed the first chords on his guitar, a bit lower than the original version. He inhaled a shaky breath, trying to focus on anything but the iPad in front of him.

_There goes my heart beating  
'Cause you are the reason  
I'm losing my sleep  
Please come back now_

_And there goes my mind racing  
And you are the reason  
That I'm still breathing  
I'm hopeless now_

There was a lump in his throat, and he thought he might suffocate, suddenly. He paused, his hand abandoning his guitar to rest on his knee as he composed himself.

_I'd climb every mountain  
And swim every ocean  
Just to be with you  
And fix what I've broken  
Oh, 'cause I need you to see  
That you are the reason_

He allowed his hands to play the chords as though they had a mind of their own. The next part… he had always imagined that Scott’s voice would sound perfect singing these words.

_There goes my hand shaking  
And you are the reason  
My heart keeps bleeding  
I need you now_

_If I could turn back the clock  
I'd make sure the light defeated the dark  
I'd spend every hour of every day  
Keeping you safe_

He flinched as his voice broke with the word “safe”.

_And I'd climb every mountain  
And swim every ocean  
Just to be with you  
And fix what I've broken  
Oh, 'cause I need you to see  
That you are the reason  
  
_

_I don't wanna fight no more  
I don't wanna hurt no more  
I don't wanna cry no more  
Come back, I need you to hold me closer now  
Just a little closer now  
Come a little closer now  
I need you to hold me tonight_

He took a shaky breath.

_I'd climb every mountain  
And swim every ocean  
Just to be with you  
And fix what I've broken  
'Cause I need you to see  
That you are the reason_

“Please… um… no one send that to Calum. That was garbage,” Avi laughed, blinking the tears out of his eyes.

The comments were scrolling even more quickly than they had been before.

“Whoa, you guys are excited today,” he laughed.

****_That was beautiful_ ** **

****_Who hurt you Avi? Dear God_ ** **

****_Gorgeous <3_ ** **

****_Like an angel!_ ** **

****_You sound heartbroken, love_ ** ** ****__ ** **

His eyes focused on Mitch’s name.

****_That was beautiful, Avi. Love your emotion._ ** **

He read the words out loud. “Thank you, Mitchy. Love you.”

****_Add Mitch! We want to see Mitch!_ ** **

Avi laughed as several other comments repeated the request.

“Hey Mitch, wanna come live? Request me.”

He waited, not realizing he was holding his breath until the request came through and he exhaled, sharply. He was overwhelmed with curiosity to see if Scott had heard him.

“Hey!!! Mitchy!” Avi said, trying to feign excitement.

“Avi, Avi, Avi! That was gorgeous, King!” Avi searched Mitch’s face. It almost looked like he had been crying.

“Aww thanks, Princess. Next time we’ll duet it, yeah?”

Mitch laughed, but it sounded strained. “How about a whole five-part harmony?”

“What are you up to today, Mitchy?” Avi changed the subject, hoping it had been a smooth enough transition.

“Being a lazy _Queen,_ what about you, Av?” Avi had been hoping that he would zoom in on his roommate at that point.

“Ah, you know, this and that.”

“Gonna keep breaking hearts?” Mitch asked. Avi froze. He laughed, nervously.

“What?” He had almost forgotten that they were live in front of exactly 653 people.

“That song _wrecked us,_ Avi. Gonna keep doing that to your fans? I’ll take a whole soundtrack.” Avi felt a rush of relief.

****_Where’s Scott?_ ** **

****_Scooooooooooter_ ** **

****_Mitch, I wanna see Scott!_ ** **

Avi read through the comments, laughing again, despite himself.

“They wanna see Scott.”

Mitch looked around the room, looking unsure of himself.

“I have no idea where that noodle of a man is. Hang on.” And with that, the camera was shaking as Mitch walked through the house.

Avi’s heart sank. Scott hadn’t been with Mitch, after all.

“Oh, I think everyone assumed he was next to you. No big deal.”

“He was _just with me,_ he watched your little performance with me.” Mitch winked. “AY, SAMANTHA,” he shouted, startling Avi and the entire audience, he was sure.

“Heyyyyy Avi fans!” Scott’s cheerful voice exclaimed as he peered over Mitch’s shoulder. His eyes were bright and beautiful, and he was still wearing the same outfit from this morning. Avi’s heart fluttered in his chest. He always loved when Scott said his name.

“Alright, Av, we gotta go. These queens gotta go to _werk_ on some new stuff, now that you showed us up.” Mitch said, teasingly.

“Gotta step our game up, for real though,” Scott added, with just a bit of sass that always made Avi smile.

“Bye guys.”

“Bye, we love you,” Mitch said, as Scott waved behind him. Avi didn’t miss the word “we”, and he felt a pang in his chest again.

Well, at least that could have been worse.

He was attempting to cook dinner through his haze of emotions when there was a knock on his front door later that evening.

“Hey, sis,” He said as he opened the door. She was standing in his doorway with Rose resting gently against her shoulder. Esther’s mouth formed a straight line. “Uh oh. What did I do?”

“I saw your little song earlier today,” she replied, shortly, squeezing past him to sit on his couch, where Scott had sat just a few short hours ago. She placed Rose gently on the couch next to her.

“It sounds like you weren’t a fan.”

“It was beautiful, Avi.”

“Thank you…?”

“What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like you’re unraveling. First, you disappeared with Scott at my house yesterday, and the next thing we knew, he was leaving. Then, you were yelling at Kirstie. Today, you were crying over your guitar. What’s going on in that head?”

Avi couldn’t believe that the person who knew him best couldn’t pick up on this. He should get an agent, become an actor. Apparently, he was good at faking it. Or maybe he should become a politician…

“Avi.”

“You’re going to be mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I made you leave the band. I made you leave people you loved. All because of me.”

“You wanted to be closer to Mom and Dad…”

“Doesn’t it trouble you that I visit them no more than I did while I was in the group?”

Esther was silent, thinking.

“So, you lied?”

“I lied.”

“Why? Why did we leave, then?”

“Because I fell in love, Es. And I didn’t know what to do.”

“I knew it.”

“You… you did?” Avi was dumbfounded.

“Had you ever considered just _telling her?”_

“Wait. I’m sorry, what?”

“Maybe if you had told Kirstie instead of running away, you could have had her. I know you always held everyone in the group in high regard, especially her, but you would have been cute together.”

Avi laughed. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Es.” He shook his head, smiling softly. At least this was getting easier to talk about, now that the words had escaped his lips a few times already.

“What? She isn’t… it isn’t her?” She slapped him on the thigh, then. “Who?”

“Scott.” Avi’s voice came out sounding foreign. He looked out the window, due mostly to the fact that he was afraid to see his sister’s reaction.

“Scott.” She repeated. “Scott Hoying.”

“The one and only.”

“How the _hell_ did this happen right under my nose?” She didn’t sound angry. She didn’t sound sad. She sounded… well, she sounded excited.

Avi sighed before diving into the story. He fought back tears, laughed openly at some points, and smiled fondly at others. He cringed with his story of Tyler’s house. He couldn’t look at her for that part.

“And yeah. Then I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sorry, Es. I know you love them and that you would have stayed.”

Esther’s face was a mixture of heartache and understanding.

“I’m sorry you were suffering, and I didn’t even know.”

“I should have handled it differently, I guess,” Avi replied, rubbing his eyes, feeling exhausted.

“You absolutely should have, Avi. Does he know?”

“I told him today.”

“You did?” She looked hopeful, now.

“He ran.”

“He _what?”_ She stood abruptly, like she wanted to start a fight with one of her best friends.

“I don’t blame him, Es. He was hurt.”

“So are you,” her eyes were narrowed.

“Yes, but that was self-inflicted.”

“You need to go and talk to him again.”

“No, Es, I’m done.”

“Oh, you’re over him?” She sounded like she was taunting him. He didn’t like it.

“No, I don’t think I’ll ever be…”

“Then go.”

Little did Esther know, Avi would not be taking her advice.


	5. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will be one chapter after this one. I hope you like!! Please let me know if you'd like to see more Scavi in the future.

Scott adjusted his leather jacket, and ran a hand through his freshly-waxed hair. Satisfied with how it looked, he sighed to himself.

He had tried to contact Avi three times this week. They needed to have another conversation. But Avi wasn’t answering him. It was frustrating, and Scott’s emotions had evolved over the past seven days. They had morphed from shame, to guilt, to annoyance, to downright _longing_ (that one was most confusing) to anger. After all, he was currently settled on the mindset of “None of this was my fault, I can’t control what other people think of me.”

So, he grabbed his phone, and called his roommate’s name from where he stood at the front door of their house. Mitch scampered out, looking ready to go as well.

“Uber?”

“Yup, outside. Let’s go.” Scott turned to leave, but Mitch caught his elbow.

“Are you going to be okay? He’s going to be there, you know.”

“I think I’ll be fine, Mitch. Just maybe keep him away from me, yeah?”

“I don’t know if that’s the best solution to this, Scott,” Mitch replied as they locked the front door.

“He’s the one ignoring me. I’m done with this. None of this was my fault.”

“You’re right, it wasn’t. But you care about him.”

Scott crawled into the Uber, muttering a “thank-you” to the driver. Mitch followed suit.

“Oh well. Maybe keep Esther away from me, too. She might come out swinging, now that she knows.”

“Esther adores you.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s still true…”

They pulled up to Kirstie and Ben’s house, and it looked as though everyone had already arrived. They got out of the uber, ripping their medical masks off.

“Hopefully no pictures… people will have our heads if they see we were partying at a time like this,” Mitch pondered out loud.

Kirstie opened the door before they even made it up the steps. “Uuuuuuugh, I missed you guys!” She yelled, sounding more than a bit tipsy. Scott and Mitch embraced her at the same time, and Scott was thankful that she still didn’t know about how he had ruined their group.

“Happy Birthday, Kirst. We love you.”

“Shots!” She shouted, and spun on her heel, scampering away. Scott laughed, following her, feeling his heart thumping strongly against his ribcage. He hated that he felt this anxious.

His eyes came to rest on the man he had been so nervous to see. Avi stood in the corner, with a drink in hand, speaking with a man Scott didn’t recognize. There was a woman next to him as well. He looked happy, and he looked handsome.

Scott considered ripping off the band-aid. Perhaps he should just go say hello, instead of starting the theme of dancing around one another all night.

He aborted that thought, however, when Avi’s arm snaked around the waist of the woman next to him. He leaned in and whispered something in her ear, eliciting a high-pitched, obnoxious laugh from her lips.

Scott couldn’t help his feeling of disgust. Was it disgust? No… who was he kidding? Scott was hurt.

How could he make him feel so horrible, and then flaunt this woman in front of him a week later? Clearly, his feelings weren’t all that strong to begin with.

And so, Scott would stop feeling bad, and he would stop immediately.

Then, he got drunk. And he got drunk _fast._ Kevin was laughing at him, openly, as he danced around him. Scott adored Kevin’s laugh, so he kept going.

He was refilling his glass when he felt a hand on his waist.

“Whoa. Hello.” Scott said as he turned around, wavering drunkenly on his feet as he did so. He was face-to-face with a handsome man whom he had never met before.

“Hi. Scott, right?” He smiled at him. Scott couldn’t help but smile back.

“That’s me. I’m sorry, I’ve never been too good with names, or… well… really anything involving memory, to be honest,” he smiled goofily as he confessed this. The man looked at him, fondly.

“Zach. We haven’t actually met. I’m a friend of Ben’s.” He reached his hand out to shake Scott’s. Scott complied, smiling. His gaze found Avi across the room, dancing with the girl he brought. In that moment, he made sure he gave his best smile to the man in front of him.

“Do you dance, Zach?”

Zach closed the distance between them, wordlessly. His hands were on Scott’s waist, pulling him to the center of the room on the makeshift dancefloor. They swayed together, and Zach’s hands began to explore.

Scott saw Avi’s form freeze in the far corner out of the corner of his eye, and he knew he had an audience. He placed his knee between Zach’s legs, pressing up against his body as closely as was humanly possible. Zach moaned in his ear. “You’re so pretty,” Zach whispered, resting a hand lightly on Scott’s throat.

And then Scott’s back hit the wall of Kirstie’s living room. He could feel Esther’s eyes on him now, too. Judging him. She was one to talk. She hadn’t said two words to him since he walked through the door. She had no say in this.

So… he did what he had always been good at.

Zach’s lips were on his in an instant. His tongue was pushing Scott’s lips open, fighting its way into Scott’s mouth, greedily. His hands were roaming all over Scott’s body. He knew it was raunchy. He didn’t care. His friends had seen him do this plenty of times before, anyway. Zach’s lips travelled to suck on Scott’s neck, and Scott took this moment to survey the scene.

Avi was halfway out the front door, dragging the girl behind him.

A pang of guilt rang through him, but it was quickly replaced with satisfaction in himself. He wouldn’t let Avi think he had the upper hand here. And he made sure Avi knew that he could not make a fool out of him.

Shaking Zach off was a whole new challenge, however.

“Not feeling well, sorry.” Scott muttered, pushing against Zach’s chest. The man didn’t move. In fact, he sucked on Scott’s neck _harder._ The nerve. Scott rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. Thanks, babe. Gotta go, though.”

“Tease,” Zach growled as Scott walked away. Scott felt himself become flushed. He wanted to turn to the poor guy, he wanted to say to him, “You have no fucking idea.” But instead, he found an open spot on the couch, sat down in a huff, and placed his head in his hands.

When did he get so _drunk?_

“Oh, babe, you’ve really done it.” Mitch said to him the next morning, as he leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom. Scott was emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl for the umpteenth time that morning.

“I think I’m dying,” Scott muttered into the bowl.

“I can’t say I feel bad for you this time, dear.” Mitch’s voice sounded bored.

“Mean.”

“True. You were an ass last night. I thought Esther might fight you.”

“Esther can suck a dick.” Whoa. That came out meaner than he had intended.

“That looked like sucking a dick was more on your agenda than hers, last night.”

Scott paused, looking into the bright blue water below him. “Ouch.” He said, simply.

“Yeah well, truth hurts. Why did you… _do that?”_

“I didn’t _do_ anything, so don’t say it like that.”

“Your neck says differently, Scotty.” Scott didn’t have to look in the mirror to know he was covered in hickeys. What, was this Zach guy like… 17?

Scott sighed. He hated bickering with Mitch more than anything in the world.

“I think… I think seeing Avi with that girl got to me, to be honest.”

Mitch sat on the floor, rubbing small circles on the taller man’s back now.

“She was weird, babe, if that helps,” Mitch tried to sound light and humorous, but it was forced. “I don’t know what that was about, to be honest,” he finished, sounding sad.

“But Scott…” he continued, appearing nervous. “Would you be with him, anyway? Or is it better that he moves on?”

Scott wretched into the toilet once more, startling the smaller man. He patted him between the shoulder blades as Scott reached up to flush the toilet, again. He sat up and leaned against the bathtub, looking like he had slept in the dryer, set on spin cycle.

“I don’t know, Mitch. He was never… he was never a possibility, you know?” He was running his fingers through his greasy hair. He knew he looked like a madman.

“That’s never stopped me from fantasizing about someone, at least,” Mitch waggled his eyebrows.

“There was a crush there… five years ago.” Scott admitted, and Mitch’s mouth gaped open.

“Scott Richard Hoying, why didn’t you tell me? No- Why didn’t you tell _him?”_

“Because I was embarrassed. Typical gay-guy-has-a-crush-on-his-straight-friend scenario? Cliché. So, I got over it.”

“You don’t seem over it.”

“Now I’m hurt. It’s different.”

“Imagine how he feels,” Mitch snorted.

“He brought _her!_ I didn’t tell him to do that!” Scott’s voice was rising, and it was making his head throb in protest.

“He didn’t have his _tongue down her throat,_ Scott.”

“Technically, mine wasn’t down Zach’s, either.” He paused, looking at Mitch’s look of disbelief in that statement. “His tongue was down _mine.”_

“Slut.” Mitch sighed, face-palming, laughter in his voice.

Mitch wasn’t wrong, Scott reasoned, never feeling as though that word had suited him more than it did in that very moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? Told you Scott is kind of an asshole, too. Whoops.


	6. One Step Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The big finale. If you like this Scavi story, please let me know, and I'll know to write more in the future! Thank you for reading!!

Avi was pacing back and forth in his bedroom for far longer than he cared to admit. Memories from the night before came flashing through his mind.

Scott grinding against someone.

Scott pressed against a wall.

A tongue down his throat.

Hands all over his body.

He was filled with rage unlike he had ever felt. With a pained groan, he grabbed his keys and practically sprinted to his car.

He didn’t remember the car ride. He didn’t remember climbing out of his car, or the strides he took to the front door. He didn’t remember pounding on it like his life depended on someone answering it.

“Avi…?” Mitch’s soft voice brought him back down to earth.

“Where’s Scott?” Avi nearly growled, pushing past the smaller man.

“He’s… he’s napping. I’m not sure if you know, but he got a bit too drunk last night…” but Avi was halfway down their hallway, already. He suddenly stopped in his tracks, and Mitch nearly crashed into his back. He turned around, feeling suddenly like he might cry.

“Is there someone in there with him?”

Mitch’s eyes were soft and understanding. “No, Avi. No one is in there with him. He came home alone.”

With those words, Avi completed his mission to barge into Scott’s life again. The door opened with a crash, and Scott groaned from a giant lump of blankets on his bed.

“Mitch… please. Stop being mean,” the lump groaned. Avi almost thought it was cute. _Almost._

Mitch reached forward, shutting the door to the bedroom, closing himself out of the room effectively. Avi was left alone with a very hungover Scott Hoying.

He moved towards the lump on the bed. He reached out, patting what he assumed must be Scott’s back.

“That’s my ass, Mitchy,” the lump groaned. Avi’s cheeks burned as he blushed, aggressively.

He adjusted his hand higher, kneading strong circles into what was now clearly Scott’s back.

The lump shifted against his hands and the comforter was thrown forward, displaying Scott from the waist up. A beautiful, pained face came into view, that quickly shifted to confusion upon seeing who was sitting on the edge of his bed.

It didn’t help that Scott appeared to have no clothes on. Avi wasn’t sure how it was possible that he had become _more_ toned and beautiful in the past three years. Avi averted his eyes, blushing again.

The bed shifted, and Scott was sitting up. Out of the corner of his eye, Avi could see the waistband of Scott’s basketball shorts. He breathed a sigh of relief.

“Fuck. Sorry. Thought you were Mitch,” he grumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Do I smell?” he asked, eyebrows adorably furrowed.

Avi laughed, rigidly. “No, you don’t smell, somehow.”

“Good,” Scott replied, running a hand through his hair, which was handsomely disheveled.

“Rough night I guess?” Avi asked, without attempting to disguise the tone of judgment in his voice.

“You could say that,” he replied, sounding disappointed in himself. Avi’s fingertips itched to be able to reach out for him. He was so close.

“Who was that?” Scott’s voice surprised him again, after a moment of tense silence.

“Who was who? The guy who was pretty much having sex with you on the dancefloor?” Avi cursed himself. He had told himself that he wouldn’t be aggressive.

Scott rolled his eyes. Avi prepared for a scathing remark, but it didn’t come.

“The girl… woman. The woman you were with.”

“That’s my friend, Amanda. She’s an old friend from college. She recently moved out to LA. I wanted to show her the ropes a bit.”

Scott’s shoulders slumped and Avi could see the guilt reflected in his eyes.

“…and I may have put on a bit of a show, you know… when a certain tall, pretty blond walked in,” Avi finished. Scott looked up, and Avi nearly stopped breathing. Scott’s eyes had always had that effect on him.

“It’s been years, Avi. I just figured you had moved on.”

“And I should have. But here I am. I thought that parting ways with you guys, distancing myself… I thought that would make me get over you. But Scott, I _ached_ for you. Every. Damn. Day.”

“Ached?”

Scott’s tone sparked excitement in the older man. It sounded… hopeful. He kicked off his shoes, spinning to face Scott on his bed, curling his legs beneath himself. “Ache,” he corrected. “I ache for you. To this day. _Every_ day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Scott asked, his voice shaking.

“Why would you ever be with me?” Avi asked, more honestly than he had found himself in over three years.

Scott’s eyes were brimming with tears. Avi hated the thought that he was the cause of them. He wanted desperately to reach up and wipe them away.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re so… God.” Avi buried his head in his hands, exasperated. He had no idea how to express this. Scott was respectfully silent as Avi searched for the words.

“You’re so beautiful.” Avi finally said. “And you’re full of _life,_ and so care-free and _breathtaking…”_ he knew he was rambling now, but he didn’t care. It felt good to let this out. “And the men… who get to have you… they’re so far out of my league, it’s laughable.” He was shaking his head now, self-deprecatingly.

“Avi…” Scott started, sounding like he was ready to break. Avi looked up at the man facing him, feeling the warmth from Scott’s bare chest radiating against him with how close they were.

And then, Scott closed the little distance they had, his lips tenderly moving against his own. It started off slow and affectionate, as Scott lifted his hand to cup Avi’s cheek, rubbing his thumb against his bearded jaw. Avi was afraid to touch the man in front of him. He was afraid that if he became too greedy too quickly, Scott would disappear, and he would wake up from this dream.

Scott’s hand found Avi’s however, and he guided it to rest on the nape of his neck. Avi’s thumb traced Scott’s collarbone, lazily.

Suddenly, Avi was filled with confidence. He moved his other hand to rest on Scott’s side, fingers brushing gently against his ribcage. Scott moved swiftly after a few moments, resting his hands on Avi’s chest as he swung his legs around Avi’s waist, straddling him. He captured his lips again, more intensely this time.

And Avi was more than happy to follow along, licking the blond’s lips and gladly accepting entrance into his mouth. The taller man basically purred into his throat, and Avi had to stop before this became too much. Feeling his pants tighten painfully, his hands rubbed up and down on Scott’s pecs, before pushing back against him, gently.

Blue eyes met his brown ones, and there was a hint of concern within them. Avi wanted to kiss it away.

“I don’t want… I don’t want to rush this… to do this without knowing where your head is at.” Avi whispered to the man in his lap.

“I would never do this with you if I didn’t want to see where this goes. Avi… I want to try this with you. I want to be with you.”

Now Avi knew he must be dreaming. He blinked several times. He reached down and pinched his own arm. Scott raised one eyebrow.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure I’m not dreaming.” Avi’s voice was serious, and Scott laughed, affectionately. Leaning forward, Scott kissed him gently. Before he could pull away again, Avi cupped his cheeks in his hands and pulled him further into the kiss. Avi let his hands wander now, and groaned when he brushed over Scott’s hardness.

“Scott. Wait.” And his hands were on the man’s stomach now, pushing away again. “I can’t… I can’t just do this.”

Scott’s eyes searched his, willing him to continue. “I wouldn’t be able to take it if we take this further and you decide… this isn’t what you want.”

“Avi…”

“If we do this. And if you decide not to be with me, that will be far worse than how I’ve been suffering.” His eyes met Scott’s blue ones again. They looked icy.

“What kind of person do you think I am?” His voice was gravelly. Avi was shocked at the sudden turn. “You think I’m a slut. You think I’m what? Easy?” The words sounded hollow as Scott appeared to come to this realization.

“What? Scott, that’s not…”

Scott hopped off of his lap and made his way to the door before turning abruptly.

“You thought I’d just have sex with you and then walk away? Is that what you think?”

Avi was begging himself not to cry.

“Is that what you think?” Scott asked again, louder this time.

Avi couldn’t lie. Part of him was indeed worried about that. Scott had proven that he was more open and free with his body than Avi was, to say the least.

“Scott, stop, please.”

Scott looked like he might break down. His lip was actually quivering now.

“I want to take this slow, Scott. Please. That’s all I’m saying.”

Avi stood from the bed and crossed the floor in a few strides, thankful when Scott didn’t move away from him as he reached out for him.

“Okay.” Scott said softly, looking down. “I didn’t mean to pressure you. I thought it’s what you wanted.”

“You weren’t wrong,” Avi smiled softly. “I want that. I want that very much, Scotty. But I want so much more than that.”

Scott broke from Avi’s hold, reaching for a plain gray t-shirt on the floor and throwing it over his head.

“Well, that’s not completely necessary,” Avi pinched at the fabric, crinkling his nose. Scott laughed, and Avi breathed a sigh of relief.

“Can I kiss you again, at least?” Scott asked, the iciness in his eyes completely thawed.

“God, yes.” Avi exclaimed, pulling the blond man in closer by the newly placed fabric, connecting his lips with his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Keep going? Stop? Yay Scavi? Nay Scavi? Yay butthead Avi? Nay butthead Avi? Let me know!


End file.
